It escapes me...

I had a brilliant idea today. In fact, it was so amazing it was going to be the subject of my blog post tonight. This subject was amazing. The kind of stuff a blog writers dreams are made of. A once in a life time thing. Then..........I forgot it. Now, I have the Blogger app downloaded on my phone and under normal circumstances I will at least start and name a post just so I can go back to it later. This usually works, but occasionally a few get lost and forgotten (Or I just start to wonder what the hell I was thinking).

SO.....as a treat to you, here is a sampling of some of the things that cross the path of my mind. 

"I'm not sure why Semisonics 'Closing Time' is playing on the radio at 10am, but does that mean I can call it day?"

"Maybe squirrels have it all figured out"

"How am I not involved in a car wreck on a daily basis?"

"I'm pretty sure I can never trust a restaurant that also sells used cars"

"What tribe do tribal tattoos actually come from?"

Now Hiring: Pope

Who's Hiring: The Vatican
Location:Vatican City, Italy
Job:Pope, or The Pope
Description:    The Roman Catholic church is now looking to fill the position of Pope. Must enjoy wearing extravagant robes and large bedazzled hats.  Leader of the Catholic faith. 
Requirements: High school diploma; exhibit a cheerful and helpful attitude. Catholic. 

NO RECRUITERS!
To Apply: Click here to apply online. 

Awesome Jobs I wish I had

Alright, so once again I have gone way too long since my last post. Again I promise to start writing more regular updates and yet again I am probably full of crap. So, I have been giving this some thought. I am going to write about a few Awesome jobs you either never knew existed (they may not, i'm making crap up) or you could probably never get. Never the less, they are fairly B.A. (Bad Ass for those of you not in the know) and you should probably be prepared to be jealoused off. 

• Song writer for Lil' Jon - OK, how hard can this be? This would consist of arranging the words "Yeah" "Okayy" and "What" along to some sort of generic rap tune. I bet it pays pretty decent too. 

•       Monster Truck Driver - I think this is fairly self explanatory. Who doesn't want to drive around a big truck with a 1000hp engine and crush cars? 

• Ikea furniture namer - I'm not sure if being Swedish or Norwegian descent is in any way a prerequisite  for this position, but if not this probably would shape up to be pretty easy. You would literally be making up words that make no sense at all. Channel your inner swedish chef from the muppets. Smorgin  Borgin Yorgin.......

• Mad Scientist - Why are they always mad?You can't actually take over the world or create a cure for the Zombie Apocalypse, but a guy can dream right?

Toilet Paper Travesty

Ok....everyone reading this has had an issue with Toilet Paper at some point or another. There are the classic arguments such as Over or Under? Folder or Wadder? How many squares to use? There has even been some talk of how many squares is an appropriate amount to use? There are so many great questions and theories for appropriate toilet paper use. Who ever thought 1 ply was a good idea? Even if it was a good idea, they could have at least made it a bit thicker. I'm tired of using public restrooms and being able to see through the TP like a cheap white shirt. Let alone the the anxiety of possibly having some sort of mishap. I kind of got off of what my original idea was for this post. Do you see the picture below? Does this happen to anyone else? It seems as if it were an epidemic in my house. There have at times been as many as three used rolls stacked up at once. Does this seem wrong to anyone else? 

                                                           

Popcorn

So, we went to the movies this weekend. I went with my Wife and her brother and his wife. The movie we chose was The Expendables 2. It was a pretty decent movie. Horrible acting for the most part, but lots of action which I think is what most guys look for in a movie anyway. It had just about every action star you could ever dream of. We went to a place called Alamo Drafthouse. Pretty cool place, they serve beer and real food and not too expensive. For my Oregon friends, it's very similar to Northern Lights in Salem. Anyway.........I think I have provided enough back story. My main purpose today is to write about popcorn.  Yep, popcorn. If I were a superhero.....popcorn would be my kryptonite. I could go out to a nice steak dinner and be absolutely stuffed, but if we step inside of a movie theater and I smell that fresh popcorn....I need to have some. Don't know why. It is also the only  food that I could grab a handful at a time and just shovel in my mouth. Or drop a piece onto my lap and think.....eh, and still eat it. Not sure if anyone else has a food like that. If you do you should tell me about it.

What's this meow?

Let me start by saying I know I have not kep up with this blog as promised lately. For that I am sorry, but now I must warn you that regular updates are scheduled from here on out. It was my mission to make this a daily blog (not one of those updates once every 2 months kind of gigs) and while I will do my best to live up to my end of the bargain.....I sadly may not be able to update every single day. Okay, enough with the formalities......and back to the juicy goodness. 

I have to easy back in to hilarity so give me a break. Gonna hit on some movie news here. Word on the street is that Broken Lizard is actually in talks about making a sequel to Super Troopers. How great is this? I only hope that it can live up to the hype and not fizzle out (Club Dread anyone?). I could use some new one liners. You have to admit as far as that goes Super Troopers was amazing. Also on tap is what looks to be a sequel to Beerfest. After checking out the IMDB page there is an untitles Broken Lizard movie currently in production to be released in 2013. Let's all hold our breath for hilarity. 

Man Math

As Men we have our own ideas on how things should be in our world. We also need things horribly simplified. So here it is, the basics of Man Math. 

Preface: The Instructions are wrong. If it does not make sense, then it must be incorrect. 

Principal One: Reverse it. For example if it calls for 2 every 4 hours, try 4 every 2 hours.

Principal Two: Increase it. If some is good, then more is better.

Principal Three: Double it.  When in doubt, Double it.

Principal Four: Heat it. If something is not working, apply heat.

Principal Five: Hit it with a hammer. It seems to work on most everything. 

Principal Six: Repeat. If none of these help you achieve desired effects, repeat until they do