Man Math

As Men we have our own ideas on how things should be in our world. We also need things horribly simplified. So here it is, the basics of Man Math. 

Preface: The Instructions are wrong. If it does not make sense, then it must be incorrect. 

Principal One: Reverse it. For example if it calls for 2 every 4 hours, try 4 every 2 hours.

Principal Two: Increase it. If some is good, then more is better.

Principal Three: Double it.  When in doubt, Double it.

Principal Four: Heat it. If something is not working, apply heat.

Principal Five: Hit it with a hammer. It seems to work on most everything. 

Principal Six: Repeat. If none of these help you achieve desired effects, repeat until they do

Orlympics

With the Olympic games starting and the opening ceremony happening on Friday I thought I would hit on some sports that are unfortunately and unfairly left out of the Olympics. 

• NASCAR - Ok, that one is neither unfortunate nor unfair. 
• Tug of war - How awesome would this be? It used to be in the Olympic games but was discontinued after the 1920 games. I can only imagine men with pencil thin mustaches in striped tank tops and greased back hair. What the heck? 
• Knitting - I think this would give old women everywhere something to aspire to
• Video Gaming - As with knitting this would also give a whole new group of people the hope of becoming Olympic athletes. They would instead not be a ripped muscular athlete but acne covered teenaged Cheetos addicts.

Stolen Van

I saw this posted on my Facebook today. Apparently somebody in Oregon had their sweet van stolen. Chickens not only love it, but the family needs the van back to help with their autistic child. Please spread the word. Plus, how will they do their film making or get to Timbers matches? Oh the humanity

Stupid crap on your cars

It is probably no surprise to anyone that there is a huge car culture in the United States. People all over the map spend countless hours, lots of their hard earned money on their beloved vehicles. Not to mention Blood, Sweat and Tears. A lot goes in to these works of art. Their owners are proud people who would stop at nothing to show off their rides. I myself love nice cars whether it is a classic truck, nice motorcycle, an old muscle car, a new sports car or even a hot rod. But there is one trend I am not fond of. Some people just do stupid things to their vehicles that should never be done. I recently saw an otherwise stock looking Lexus SUV with a brush guard on the front grill. "I totally rock the offroading trails in my Lexus" said nobody ever. Other things that do not belong are oversized spoilers on cars that would never in a million years need that much downforce even if they could go over 45 mph or even cars that have wheels on them that are entirely too large. I have seen jacked up 4x4 minivans but the best is a $30,000 pickup with $50,000 in offroad upgrades that has and will never go off the asphalt. Please, just consider others before adding stupid crap to you car. 

Goat Man

So I just read this article on a so called Goat Man.....don't get too many dirty thoughts here. Apparently this guy in Utah has constructed a crude Goat costume and is following around a herd of real goats. Anybody else remember Jim Breuer as Goat Boy on Saturday Night Live? This guy sounds like he may be a few crayons short of a full box to me. Maybe he will try to mate with one as well? Could be Timothy Treadwells little brother who likes Goats instead of Bears. Don't remember Timothy Treadwell? He was Grizzly man, the crazy dillhole who tried to live with Grizzly Bears in Alaska and then they ate him. Look it up. Probably the same gene pool. 

Here is a link to the Goat Boy story http://www.khou.com/news/Goat-man-spotted-in-Utah-mountains--163225436.html

and Timothy Treadwell http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timothy_Treadwell

Outrunning the Cops

Does anybody else ever wonder about running police officers? I often do, and you shouldn't be surprised. My mind goes places that most people would never think of. Included in that is wondering about cops and how they ALWAYS seem to outrun the bad guys. Maybe that just comes from all the Law and Order and other crime shows we watch. TV has to have a certain element of truth to it right? It never fails, the guy could be an Olympic sprinter and still be tracked down on foot by the local police. Maybe it's a requirement to have a fast 40 time.....NFL combine anyone? I'm thinking some of the wide receivers would be great cops on running speed alone. You'd think twice about mugging an old lady if you knew Devin Hester was going to be running you down wouldn't you?

Web MD

Web MD can be a dangerous thing. Not because you can self diagnose illnesses but mainly because you can well.......self diagnose illnesses. Web MD has effectively been enabling hypochondriacs since its inception. I think Doctors must hate this because now every person who has a head cold instead has decided they must instead have Tuberculosis and will for sure spontaneously combust at any moment.